Autonomy and connectedness as dimensions of relationship styles in men and women

This study identified a trichotomy of styles that characterize adults' relationships with partners: self-focused autonomy, other-focused connection, and mutuality. Each style was defined by several dimensions; dominance-submission, whose needs are met, sensitivity to the partner's feelings, clarity of feelings, separateness vs intimacy, and concern with the relationship. Participants were adults, aged 18-70 years, who responded to a newspaper survey in which they identified their own style of relationship and that of their partner. Mutual individuals most often reported that their partners shared the same style. Other-focused women most often reported self-focused male partners, and self-focused men most often identified their female partners as other-focused. Correlates of these partner combinations included perceived validation by one's partner and the ability to be one's authentic self within the relationship. Findings revealed that mutual individuals with mutual partners reported the highest levels of perceived validation and authentic-self behavior. Other-focused women paired with self-focused men reported the lowest levels of validation and authentic-self behavior, with self-focused men paired with other-focused women falling in between. Discussion emphasized the liabilities of the two more extreme styles, self-focused autonomy and other-focused connection, as well as the dynamics of the different partner combinations.