Extramarital affairs and constructed meanings: A social constructionist therapeutic approach

It is estimated that 50-66% of married melt and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex (EMS) at some time during their marriage, and almost half come to therapy because of it. The meaning extramarital involvement holds for couples is socially defined and covers a broad spectrum, ranging from nothing more than a transgression to a severe threat to the marital bond. This complexity of meaning is true not only for clients but for therapists as well, and is further complicated by the fact that the meaning therapists assign to extramarital affairs determines the treatment options they choose, and thus can affect the couple. In general, couples define extramarital sex as problematic for the relationship, and marital and family therapists have generally been consistent with this view. As a result they tend to use a problem-oriented therapeutic approach. The present article discusses the sociocultural definitions of extramarital sex that influence the reasons couples construct for involving themselves in EMS. It presents information on their typical psychological reactions, taking into account current research. This article attempts to address this issue by first presenting a review of what we know, the research on EMS, and then concentrating on marital meaning systems-their development and maintenance-focusing on social constructionist themes and therapy, which serve to shift the focus of a problem-oriented approach toward a search for the strengths of the EMS couple. Lastly, a four-stage social constructionist therapeutic model is proposed. The four stages of therapy with couples who have experienced an extramarital affair are 1) Joining the Family Meaning Systems, 2) Inviting the Couple to Explore Their Present Meaning Systems, 3) Inviting the Couple to Expand Their Meaning Systems, nod 4) Stabilizing the New Meaning Systems. It allows the couple to construct new meanings around the EMS issue so that they can find workable solutions.